It is the end of another school year. Assessment time. The power to evaluate, and critique a child's progress is in my hands.
As I sit here and look out at the sea of faces in my classroom, a disturbing thought occurs to me. What if at the end of the year these children evaluated me?
I have a motto (one of many) on my desk by Wes Haystead, It says that "Childhood is not a disease to be cured or endured. It is a God - ordained part of life with value and significance that continually allows the participants to experience their world from a fresh, unspoiled, point of view."
Is that just something I decorate with, or is that the theme that drove how I ran my classroom? Could my students say that I valued them for who God made them to be? Did I spend more of my time enduring them,or enjoying them for the individuals that they are?
I know it is a strange idea to play with, to give credence to what a child would have to say. I guess,I have come to the point that I cannot value who they are, if I don't value what they think.
What if I put in their hands the tools by which to determine my failure or success ?
What would MY report card say?
After the grades are entered, what would my evaluators put on my comment line? That line that all kids dread. The place where teachers can explain a grade, justify an action, or deliver a verdict about a child. That little space that with a click of the button, I get to have the last word.
What would they say about me? My performance? The part of me that can’t be balanced and weighed. A judgement of skill. The part that is not a mathematical formula, but the final statement of belief on a subject.
Pass or fail?
Assessment is hard. Self -Assessment is scary. To honestly stare into the mirror and see who you are. To face myself, and my judges who are with me 8 hours a day. In front of them I am authentic, in front of them,
.....I really have no excuse.
For 180 days they watch, they experience, they learn who I am. Just thinking about this concept starts my mind reeling.
I only get so many minutes a day, how many did I waste?
Who am I when the door is closed? When it is just me and those kids? Did I hold myself to the same standards that I expected from them?
Did I respect all people? Did I do good deeds? Did they hear me say good things? Was I prepared? Did I do my best everyday? Was I honest all the time? Was I kind? Was I fair? Did I teach anything that needs to be untaught? Did I show up on time, every day, ready to teach? Was I gracious when needed? Disciplinarian when warranted? Knowledgeable? Willing to help? Was I Selfless or selfish?
Did I do enough? Could there have been something I missed? Was I genuine? Did I give my all?
Ultimately, I know that they are children. They live in a world of popsicles and candy and Sponge Bob. Their idea is Disneyland, and mine is more like jail.
But.....honestly, who knows me better than them?
I give my kids an assignment. Each year I ask my kids to write a letter to a student in my class next year. They are to explain how to survive sixth grade, and of course, how to survive ME.
The letters are funny. Recounting things and events that transpired through the year. I love hearing children explain to other children.... Me. I usually find things like: She likes Dr. Pepper. Bring her chocolate. Don't mess with her daughters, This and that, make her crazy!... but, then there are some other things. It is usually sprinkled with ideas on respect, fairness, kindness, organized chaos, and volume.
It is entertaining to read, very humbling to think about. My best and my worst, impossible to hide.
Now, I know to some people it is just a job, but to some of us it is just .... not. They are more than a paycheck. They are children. They are a responsibility. A trust earned.
I have to face the fact that even my best may not meet all their needs. Somewhere there has to be a line.
But sitting in my room today, it occured to me.....
What if the report card this time were mine?
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