This One's Mine

This One’s Mine.

               Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you…

LIES!

               I have run the gamut of emotions this week.   I have been angry. I have been proud. I have cried a river of tears.  And God help those little girls who have made my daughter their target. The momma in me has felt the need to take some little prissy girls and well…

                I have seen bullying before.  I do teach school every single day. It is hard to believe I know, but I was once a kid.   I know the pain of careless words and actions.   I have dried the tears of other people’s children. I have interceded, stopped it. I have set a few kids straight in my day.

But this time it is different.  This time it is personal.  This time it is my child…..This One’s MINE! 

               I checked the story from all angles.  I made sure that there was no fault she could take.  No responsibility she needed to own up to. Her story checked out…..

 I was absolutely livid.

               But…..  I can’t be THAT mom.  I have always raised my girls to be strong, independent, problem solvers.  “Work the problem. We don’t quit, we don’t shrivel up.  We deal!”   I will lead and encourage, but I will not swoop in and solve it.  I have seen all too often the damage that can do.

 Adults with no life skills because momma fixed everything…  that is not the plan for my girls.

               “ Mommy, their goal is to make my life miserable.”  What do you do when you precious little fourth grade girl says that to you?  I wanted to go kick some tail,  but that doesn’t teach her what to do when I am not there.

I told her teacher ( who is an absolute angel) and she did EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO HELP STOP IT.  But I know all too well the limitations of a teacher being absolutely everywhere all of the time.

               I tried to talk Lindsey through it, tell her to hold her head up, but little girls can be cruel.  I waited for it to get better, or for them to move on to another target……..

                                    After 3 weeks –   THIS MOMMA HAD ENOUGH!

 I had a teacher who witnessed it tell me how proud I should be of my daughter.  How she had to withstand a public lashing. (A lot can happen across a room, or even a hallway. It was stopped as soon as possible.)    She handled it with grace and class.  She stood up for herself in a Christlike manner until it ended.   I know I should have been proud, but when I found out that her day had once again been awful, and I broke down.  Right there in the hall in front of MY students…. I cried. 

                One thing I do love about 6^th grade is the attachment that the students have with their teacher!  God help the poor fool who makes me cry in front of my students.   They will protect me at all costs, and I almost had a riot on my hands.   I saved the names of the offenders, but my students…..they were ready to kill.

               I knew I had to do something…. legal.  I went to my principal and fell completely apart right in his office.   I told the whole story.  He is a father, he knows the pain of watching someone mistreat your child.  He promised me it would be corrected.  It would be utterly and completely stopped within the day. 

 I talked with Lindsey that night and told her that it was over. She seemed relieved.  She was my child and I would move heaven and earth to make sure that no one would mess with her.

               My principal was true to his word,  and  it was over.  He even talked with Lindsey about how to handle it, and promised her that he would protect her at all costs. 

                It got me thinking about a parent’s love for their child.  I have always reacted, done my best to stop bullying and mistreatment, but something fierce came out of me when it was my child. 

This One’s Mine ! 

                There are days when I have been a victim of my own uncertainty.  When the world whispers you are not valuable.  You are no good.  We don’t like you, or what you stand for.  What do you do? Are you going to fight or stand there.

               We get ambushed.

  That is how I have been feeling lately.  Hit from every side, and dealing with it on my own.  I have tried to fix it, to resolve it in my own power. 

and I am failing.

God showed me that HIS love for me is even more than my love for Lindsey.  That HE is also listening and watching, waiting on me to give up and let HIM do what only HE can.

      Isaiah 43:1-4

Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.

               I am so glad I serve a God who loves me, who will protect me, and fight for me.  Whose words about me are the same as my words about my daughter.

Leave her alone….. This One’s Mine!

God gave me YOU

 God gave me you…

               At 8:30 last night I was still in my classroom.  My family and friends had gone to eat, and I was still at school….. working.   It was then that I simply put my head down,

 and cried. 

               Now for those of you who are not teachers, this would seem abnormal. To place so much of yourself into your profession that it gets personal, But for those of you who are in the never- ending job of education, I am sure you have been there at least once this year already.  Overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, just staring, kind of frozen.

So much to do,     no time to do it.  Trying to decide who gets the shaft today… my family or my students.

 Guilt wins either way,

 Me, I get nothin!

               I chose to work at school.  I have some deadlines to meet.   Things that just fell off my radar. They can’t change.  These were my non-negotiable last night.  I had Gary come get my girls and I decided that I would stay until I was finished…..whenever that might be.

               but,   I was completely worn out….

               Yesterday was our first class field trip this year.  I am going to be completely honest here and tell you - I HATE field trips.  If it were up to me I would NEVER leave school with someone else’s child into a situation that I cannot control. I am a nervous wreck the whole time.  But nevertheless…. we went.

               I should have known the day was going to be a “Millraney Moment” day when one of my babies got mad at me because I corrected his behavior and proceeded to pick his nose to cause a nosebleed.  Yes, they do it on purpose. (in the 6^th  grade mind you can’t punish a bleeding kid. My response, in my 37 year old, been- doing- this -longer than you have been alive mind—watch ME!)

               Then, had to deal with a few other bus issues that would need attention later that day.  All the while the kid is still bleeding!   After a crazy scenario and me finally just taking him off of the bus ( left my kids with my intern), we went into the play.

               Kids never recover well from trips.   They tend to stay jacked up the rest of the day.  We had a lot to do and I couldn’t get anyone on “TEAM RANEY”.  We muttled through the rest of the day covering whatever I could, with the time I had left.

               So, there I sat at  8:30 pm, crying over all that didn’t get done.  Convinced I was a failure, and couldn’t do it.  I had my pity party and drove myself home.

               I got up this morning and tried to muster up enough enthusiasm to fake it through the day and went to school.  The morning started just like all the others….

 Except, this time there was a note.

               One of my bus incidents had come clean with their parents and was told to write me a letter of apology.  While not necessary, I thought it was a nice sentiment.  I took the note over to my desk and read it. 

                God never ceases to amaze Me.  In the middle of my fit last night, HE heard my heart.

               I can’t tell you what that note did to me.   I contacted the parent to ask if they had read it or told the child what to say.  The parent said, “No, that it was strictly from the child.”  The child was truly repentant for their mistake and wanted to make it right.   I kept reading, halfway expecting more of the same, “I am sorry, I won’t do it again.”               but, it was different.

They ended their note with the words to the song “God gave me You. “

“ God gave me you for the ups and downs….”

this child knew, I knew the rest of the song… and the more I thought about it , the more I cried.

                                             “On my own I am only, half of what I could be, I can’t do without you!”

God gave me you for the days of doubt,

Just when I think I’ve lost my way, there are no words left to say, its’ true,

 God gave me you.”

               That sweet child who was trying to make amends had no idea what that did for me. They had the words all right, but the direction was all wrong. After I read the note, I stood at my desk and thanked God I was a teacher.

                 I looked across my classroom,  I quietly said through my tears “ No, Sweetheart, you have it all wrong. (while you may never know it) In the middle of a very dark place….after a very bad day….

God gave me YOU!”