Pier 78

It was time to take a little vacation. Just me… no kids, no Gary, nobody needing something from me. To get away. The world was closing in.

My Vacation spot---- If I get to pick- it is always the same place. Pier 78.    Front Beach Road,    in a little dive that I can stay in for 25.00 a night. I’ve been here 27 times since fifth grade. It is not what you would call luxury by any means but for me, I love it.

I come here for one reason… It restores my soul. Something inside causes me to remember decisions made here. Life changing decisions. My course was set here. Milestones in my journey were laid.

The decisions which are now my life were made on this beach. I walk around and remember. Funny stories, heart wrenching stories. Weeks of youth camp. Hours of sermons. Years of Bible study. Miles of prayers and tears. Everything from leading a caravan …. to leading others to Christ.

So naturally …. This is my place of retreat.

I came here tired, spent, worn out, DONE. Determined to find answers, to solve the world’s problems. Armed with enough Bible study literature and information, I was ready to come here and “ get to work” Just me and God--- not leaving until I found the answers I needed.

The funny thing about God is that He had a plan too- it just wasn’t my plan. I justified my trip in my mind as a spiritual retreat. I had a problem and I wanted answers. I sat down and told Him what I needed and how we should go about it.

I kept talking and He just sat there. I jumped up and down demanding answers and He said, “Niki, Just Stop! Stop striving, Stop planning, Stop searching. STOP! There will be time for all of that but, it is not now. Sit down, shut up! and listen.”

Yeah,  God tells me to shut up! I guess after all these years of working with me... He knows the truth. I would rather talk than listen.

I came here to learn about wisdom in parenting or so I thought. He led me to Mark 12:3 to show me the problem. It wasn’t that I needed wisdom, I needed obedience.

The Great Commandment.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Confused I sat wondering how this was going to effect the change I was demanding.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart --- uhmm, I think I get that one. I decided long ago that my life is one of service in reverence for my King. I try to do that.

Love your neighbor- Do that too. Or try to… all the time in my classroom, in my home, at church

Then it hit me . AS YOURSELF.

As yourself? What does that look like? How do you love yourself and not be selfish?  I thought you were supposed to give to others. My whole motherhood has been given for these precious girls. They are the air I breathe. I thought I was loving them by sacrificing it all. The ministry aspect of our lives , too, is an all encompassing, glorious task handed down by the Creator. Laid out and designed for us.

How does loving myself fit into this picture?

You know God seldom yells, and I had to get quiet to hear him. 

To remove myself from the roar of the ordinary to encounter the Holy.

 His answer was so simple… If you don’t love yourself enough to take care of yourself , how can you love God or anyone else for that matter? How can I love God or others from an empty heart? How can I serve without strength? His words were painful.. .but true “Niki, you are empty. You are trying to fix the problem. Fix you! Take care of yourself, so you can then tackle the mountain”

The great commandment has an element in it about me! Loving myself. And I have missed it all these years. He began showing me , for me it is about TIME. Minutes of worship, which is the norm, contrasted and compared to days of just being aware of His presence. Real Sabbath time.

Not seeking to find Him. Just sitting with Him and watching the waves He created. To just know He is there. To bask in His Presence. Operating out of the overflow, what a concept! Not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, exhausted, stressed, yelling and surviving on the fumes .

Really? The Bible commands that I take me time! Sweet!

It was a freeing revelation. To know that God wants me to put on the oxygen mask first. (you know on airplanes how you are instructed to help yourself first- then others). It is not selfish to say no. It is not selfish to say yes. It is not wrong to do what it takes to rejuvenate yourself in order to say YES to Him.

You know, He was right. ( usually is). Any problem or situation I face – the answer is HIM. Sit with HIM. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is healing. In His presence… is … well… HIM.

I cannot give to HIM or others what I do not have. If I want to follow the Great Commandment- I have to follow it all. I can’t pick the parts to follow or ignore.

Jesus did it and He is God! He went away to a quiet place. If He sees the need for focus times or uninterrupted worship and rest so should I.

Why are all of my lessons so hard to get? I always learn the hard way. Years of doing and doing and I should have just been “ being” . Not apathetic- just finicky in the things that occupy my heart and time. I am beginning to get it. The realities are sinking in.

Let me encourage you to do what I have done. Take some time… a while. Not just your regular Bible Study- but more and just sit with Him. It can be at home. It can be wherever your “ spot “ is. Hear how much He loves you . Close out the chaos and the drowning noise of life for a while. You won’t regret it

As for me… If you can’t find me at home, you know where I will be--- I ‘ll be at Pier 78 if you need me.

Niki