God gave me you…
At 8:30 last night I was still in my classroom. My family and friends had gone to eat, and I was still at school….. working. It was then that I simply put my head down,
and cried.
Now for those of you who are not teachers, this would seem abnormal. To place so much of yourself into your profession that it gets personal, But for those of you who are in the never- ending job of education, I am sure you have been there at least once this year already. Overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, just staring, kind of frozen.
So much to do, no time to do it. Trying to decide who gets the shaft today… my family or my students.
Guilt wins either way,
Me, I get nothin!
I chose to work at school. I have some deadlines to meet. Things that just fell off my radar. They can’t change. These were my non-negotiable last night. I had Gary come get my girls and I decided that I would stay until I was finished…..whenever that might be.
but, I was completely worn out….
Yesterday was our first class field trip this year. I am going to be completely honest here and tell you - I HATE field trips. If it were up to me I would NEVER leave school with someone else’s child into a situation that I cannot control. I am a nervous wreck the whole time. But nevertheless…. we went.
I should have known the day was going to be a “Millraney Moment” day when one of my babies got mad at me because I corrected his behavior and proceeded to pick his nose to cause a nosebleed. Yes, they do it on purpose. (in the 6th grade mind you can’t punish a bleeding kid. My response, in my 37 year old, been- doing- this -longer than you have been alive mind—watch ME!)
Then, had to deal with a few other bus issues that would need attention later that day. All the while the kid is still bleeding! After a crazy scenario and me finally just taking him off of the bus ( left my kids with my intern), we went into the play.
Kids never recover well from trips. They tend to stay jacked up the rest of the day. We had a lot to do and I couldn’t get anyone on “TEAM RANEY”. We muttled through the rest of the day covering whatever I could, with the time I had left.
So, there I sat at 8:30 pm, crying over all that didn’t get done. Convinced I was a failure, and couldn’t do it. I had my pity party and drove myself home.
I got up this morning and tried to muster up enough enthusiasm to fake it through the day and went to school. The morning started just like all the others….
Except, this time there was a note.
One of my bus incidents had come clean with their parents and was told to write me a letter of apology. While not necessary, I thought it was a nice sentiment. I took the note over to my desk and read it.
God never ceases to amaze Me. In the middle of my fit last night, HE heard my heart.
I can’t tell you what that note did to me. I contacted the parent to ask if they had read it or told the child what to say. The parent said, “No, that it was strictly from the child.” The child was truly repentant for their mistake and wanted to make it right. I kept reading, halfway expecting more of the same, “I am sorry, I won’t do it again.” but, it was different.
They ended their note with the words to the song “God gave me You. “
“ God gave me you for the ups and downs….”
this child knew, I knew the rest of the song… and the more I thought about it , the more I cried.
“On my own I am only, half of what I could be, I can’t do without you!”
God gave me you for the days of doubt,
Just when I think I’ve lost my way, there are no words left to say, its’ true,
God gave me you.”
That sweet child who was trying to make amends had no idea what that did for me. They had the words all right, but the direction was all wrong. After I read the note, I stood at my desk and thanked God I was a teacher.
I looked across my classroom, I quietly said through my tears “ No, Sweetheart, you have it all wrong. (while you may never know it) In the middle of a very dark place….after a very bad day….
God gave me YOU!”
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