"Handle it!"

People keep asking, "How are the Millraneys'  doing?" 

 and honestly after one long month, I still don't know.

There are days that the pain is just too much to face.   I want so badly to pretend that this is all just a bad dream.  For a brief moment, I am just a little girl again who had a nightmare.  All I have to do is say his name and Daddy will come in and make it all ok.

 But that's not real.  What is real is a broken hearted family who is surviving this life moment by moment.

But, I guess we are handling it...


Those were some of my daddy's last words to me.  

"Handle It."

You see,  I was given a precious gift from daddy two days after he died.  I was rifling around in his truck and I came across a little black notebook. 

It was a letter from Daddy to me dated October 13, 1996

I don't know why he wrote it then, but it was simply pages of sage wisdom about life from a father to his daughter.....

In his precious handwriting, he laid out life for me

 in black and white.....  

• "Sometimes life is an uphill battle, Handle it.

• Do the things you know are right, you learned it when you were less then 6 years old.

• How do you want to be treated? Treat others better.

• Give more than you expect to get.

• Love people that you have a tendency to hate.

• Use good manners

• Hold your tongue

• When you are tired, take a deep breath and go to work.

• Have fun, Enjoy life,  Live it for the most. There is no dress rehearsal- everything is real.

• Do the best you can.

• Don't look back, look ahead. Change the things you can and ask forgiveness, then forget the things that you did wrong.

• Make the future better.  People are where they are because it was their choice.

• Set your goals high then if you don't make them, work harder.

• Be ready to ride, Pay your insurance and pray a lot.

• Sometime in all of the fun, we still need to get the tractor  out and do a little bush hogging."

There you go.  John Argo's words on life shared with me.

How did he know in 1996..... what we would need now?  

....and why do I need his words now more than ever? 

"Do what you know is right, you learned it when you were little."

I have watched my mom for days.  Without fail,  at least once a day she would clear whatever room she was in.  She needed her time to be with God and we were told to "Go away now."

 This was not a plea in a time of need.  This is a way of life. She didn't turn to God because of her need, but in her greatest moments of need, she found her comfort in the daily of doing what she knew was right.  When nothing else made sense- this did.  When the world was crashing, God was still on the throne.

 Some moments it was the only thing that seemed right in the world.

I  have sat beside her and watched her sing through her tears.   In my presence sat a sacrifice of praise.  Broken hearted, but voice raised in worship.  She did what she knew was right.   She has worshipped and prayed. 

 On days when I was too mad to care, she would read her devotions to me.  On days when I wanted to run away or somehow make it all better, but I couldn't... I would see her there with her Bible.

.... then  I heard daddy's words to me. 

Niki, THIS is how you "Handle it!"

"Do the things you know are right, you learned it when you were less then 6 years old."

Quit trying to fix it, quit trying to change it,  quit demanding that HE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT BETTER!  

Remember... In your weakness, HE is strong.  

So you know what I am going to do?  You guessed it.  I am going to obey my daddy this one last time.   It is not going to be easy, but I have a little piece of Heaven to hold on to...

• "Sometimes life is an uphill battle,  Handle it!"