"Handle it!"

People keep asking, "How are the Millraneys'  doing?" 

 and honestly after one long month, I still don't know.

There are days that the pain is just too much to face.   I want so badly to pretend that this is all just a bad dream.  For a brief moment, I am just a little girl again who had a nightmare.  All I have to do is say his name and Daddy will come in and make it all ok.

 But that's not real.  What is real is a broken hearted family who is surviving this life moment by moment.

But, I guess we are handling it...


Those were some of my daddy's last words to me.  

"Handle It."

You see,  I was given a precious gift from daddy two days after he died.  I was rifling around in his truck and I came across a little black notebook. 

It was a letter from Daddy to me dated October 13, 1996

I don't know why he wrote it then, but it was simply pages of sage wisdom about life from a father to his daughter.....

In his precious handwriting, he laid out life for me

 in black and white.....  

• "Sometimes life is an uphill battle, Handle it.

• Do the things you know are right, you learned it when you were less then 6 years old.

• How do you want to be treated? Treat others better.

• Give more than you expect to get.

• Love people that you have a tendency to hate.

• Use good manners

• Hold your tongue

• When you are tired, take a deep breath and go to work.

• Have fun, Enjoy life,  Live it for the most. There is no dress rehearsal- everything is real.

• Do the best you can.

• Don't look back, look ahead. Change the things you can and ask forgiveness, then forget the things that you did wrong.

• Make the future better.  People are where they are because it was their choice.

• Set your goals high then if you don't make them, work harder.

• Be ready to ride, Pay your insurance and pray a lot.

• Sometime in all of the fun, we still need to get the tractor  out and do a little bush hogging."

There you go.  John Argo's words on life shared with me.

How did he know in 1996..... what we would need now?  

....and why do I need his words now more than ever? 

"Do what you know is right, you learned it when you were little."

I have watched my mom for days.  Without fail,  at least once a day she would clear whatever room she was in.  She needed her time to be with God and we were told to "Go away now."

 This was not a plea in a time of need.  This is a way of life. She didn't turn to God because of her need, but in her greatest moments of need, she found her comfort in the daily of doing what she knew was right.  When nothing else made sense- this did.  When the world was crashing, God was still on the throne.

 Some moments it was the only thing that seemed right in the world.

I  have sat beside her and watched her sing through her tears.   In my presence sat a sacrifice of praise.  Broken hearted, but voice raised in worship.  She did what she knew was right.   She has worshipped and prayed. 

 On days when I was too mad to care, she would read her devotions to me.  On days when I wanted to run away or somehow make it all better, but I couldn't... I would see her there with her Bible.

.... then  I heard daddy's words to me. 

Niki, THIS is how you "Handle it!"

"Do the things you know are right, you learned it when you were less then 6 years old."

Quit trying to fix it, quit trying to change it,  quit demanding that HE DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT BETTER!  

Remember... In your weakness, HE is strong.  

So you know what I am going to do?  You guessed it.  I am going to obey my daddy this one last time.   It is not going to be easy, but I have a little piece of Heaven to hold on to...

• "Sometimes life is an uphill battle,  Handle it!"

Wallpaper and Parenting

 I have a new set of heroes. An uncommon tribe to say the least.  

It sounds silly, but nonetheless...

People who hang wallpaper as a profession. 

I had a bright idea last weekend,  which in hindsight was more along the lines of dimly lit.


      Wallpaper is making a come back in the design world.  It's all over Southern Living. I thought it would be a great addition at Millraney Manor. I thought this would be easy. I thought this would be fast.....and beautiful.....and boy was I wrong!

The only word I can come up with was DISASTER!.  My entire room very quickly became a "focal wall"  and at one point ..... almost a border!

 The stupid wallpaper got the best of me. More than once I found myself in frustrated tears contemplating utter and total surrender.

About the time I was throwing in the towel, my sweet Lindsey Grace came and just watched me.    "Oh, momma- that is so gross.  Look how gooey!  Can I touch it? No- maybe not!"

Then came the question...Profound and piercing as it rolled off her tongue.

She said, "How can something that turns out so pretty, be such an ugly mess when you start?"

Hello??? 

Was she talking about the wall.... or the day, or just life in general?

You see, we had not had such a stellar performance that weekend in the parent/ child department.  It had been one of those days that could only be categorized as unsuccessful.  She was pushing the limits. I had simply had enough. 

 Her almost teenager attitude was rearing its  ugly head

.... and all I wanted to do was play "Whack-a-mole" with that blonde ponytail.

I found myself irritated and angry.   

"Why is this raising kids just so hard, and exhausting oh- and did I mention...... messy?"  

It occurred to me in that moment  that most things of beauty, start out as something else.

That is comforting to me because, it gets pretty ugly some days here as well.

Best attempts occasionally fail. 

This growing up thing is hard.  This parenting thing is even harder.   It's not easy, or fast... and it is every bit of messy that you can possibly imagine.

 But-so is this adventure called "being a follower of Jesus"

Somewhere along the lines I got the crazy notion that this would be easy, and fast, and well--- 

......you know the rest.

I wanted neat and clean lines, perfection on my first attempt.  All I kept coming up with was a great big mess.

Messy Spirituality- it seems like some days I get more wrong than I ever got right.

 What a blessing to know that  God in His infinite love and wisdom....already knew what a mess I would make of this life. 

 I am so thankful He will take the mess I make in the daily and transform my futile attempts into a beautiful sacrifice to lay at His feet. 

And there is more good news...

 The wall is finished and no one died. It looks pretty good... if I do say so myself

 I decided last night that the imperfections on the wall will remain.   I could choose to start over. 

 It is not even close to perfect.  

But neither am I, and neither are my kids.

                             and because of this I am leaving the wall alone.

 I am going to need constant a reminder  on the days that are simply more messy than meaningful, that we are all working to make something of beauty here. 

The Millraneys are going to Rome...

The Millraneys are going to Rome...a.k.a. Paducah, Kentucky!

Yep, that's right our family is leaving Sweet Home Alabama!

Gary has taken position of lead Pastor ….and go ahead and laugh now. I am officially the pastor's wife...

 Boy, are they in trouble.

I guess, I never thought we would ever actually get to this point. I remember sitting in a church service and a man walking up to Gary saying "You're going to be a pastor one day."
and really -we  laughed out loud.

We were so young, and so green, and had so much life and learning in front of us.

But, here we are...

 As I type this, I am sitting in a hotel room in Paducah, Kentucky. The place where God has decided that this is going to be our new home. I watch my little girls sleeping and I wonder what they think. I hope they’re learning to trust God no matter what HE is telling you.

I hope they can look back on this one day and see that obedience is always blessed, but understand that it is not promised to be fast

 or easy.

I studied the life of Paul this summer,and I guess God saw that I  needed something put in front of me,

..... something  that  I have missed all these years.

There was quite a journey from the time God told Paul what he was doing and all that had to happen in order for  Paul  to actually get to do it.

Paul was told he would one day "go to Rome."  He was being kept and prepared to have an audience with the leader of the world at that time.  Now, I am sure that Paul thought he would immediately do what God had told him.  I doubt he ever dreamed that over 20 years would pass from the prophecy to the fulfillment.

But if you look closely, every single experience was preparation for the end result; the promise that God has designed him for from the very beginning.

So, to the church at THBC .  You took two young, inexperienced, wide-eyed kids and gave us a chance to jump into the great unknown.  This faith fall we have been on all these years.

To dear sweet 9th and 0:   It was in your walls on Taylor where we learned to own what we have been taught. We saw dreams turn into reality and faithfulness rewarded as God's plan was followed.

To our friends at Glasgow and Smith Station: where we saw God do the impossible over and over again

...and The Golden days on South Railroad Street,

thank you  all for being such a wonderful pieces in our puzzle.

And to my ministry, which is so close to my heart, my special little corner of the world ....Wacoochee. 

 Oh! The tears I've cried over leaving your halls. I'll never understand how I can love somewhere so much, but know I have to leave it..... and it's ok.

 Please know that God is using this move to honor requests we have made to HIM for 20 years.

God has placed us right in the middle of everywhere we would  ever need to be. We are finally living in a place where we could get to be a family again . ......being gone from home all these years has just been too long.

I always wanted to move before Lindsey started a new school(junior high) and honestly I was concerned about sending her away from me .

 Once again, God has a better plan.  I am going to be allowed to teach at the school where she will be attending middle school . I'm going to teach  6th grade Reading and she will be a happy little 7th grader 

... Simply Amazing.

I admit, it has been a quick transition, but God has made Himself and His presence very clear and constantly known, at least to me.

I have had hours upon hours in the car to think, pray, and listen.  It never fails that one song just comes on over and over again.

                                                AMEN

This life is a journey we walk by faith
And there will always be the mountains in our way
But right here in this moment, may our strength be renewed
As we recall what God has done and how we've seen Him move

If there's anybody here who's found Him faithful
Anybody here who knows He's able
Say Amen
And if there's anybody here who's seen His power
Anybody here brought through the fire
Say Amen
Anybody here found joy in the middle of sorrow
Just Say AMEN!

~May I introduce you to the Millraneys? 

 

My steering wheel has been bathed with the tears I have cried while listening to the song.  My poor Jeep will never be the same!
 But all the while, being reminded over and over again how God has provided for our little family.


So, while we follow what God is leading us to do, I ask you for a favor...

 

Pray for Gary as God has given him a tremendous undertaking as he will be taking the Pastor role.

Pray for me as I begin to teach at a new school... 

Bless their hearts: They're not ready for Raneys ( but really, who Is?)

Pray for our sweet girls as they begin to understand what is means to live a life based on a whole new level of faith .  Pray that they see that we don't simply talk about what it means to trust God…...but we live it.

Please know we love you, and we are praying for you ...and know that while God has moved our home from you …. HE  has not moved our hearts

We leave you with faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love…

Niki

Purple Fingernail Polish

  

I admit it, I was almost done. OUT! Finished! Tired. 

Not end-of-the-school year tired…. but life tired.  

It seems that in the never-ending battle for our kids, we are losing.  I have encountered issues lately in my classroom- things you would never believe.

So this end-of-the-year "gift week" finds me  just a little cynical

      But there they sat, a little trio just waiting for me.

  I almost missed them. At this time of the year, the counter we affectionately call my desk, turns more into an abyss.

  She set them carefully on the corner, just hoping I would see  them:

          A half- used bottle of fingernail polish remover, and a purple bottle of fingernail polish attached to a handwritten note.

Her heart-felt contribution for Teacher Appreciation Week.   

 

     She’s just a kid who needs a mom, and somehow I am a mom to all these kids.

 It just comes with the job and every one of you knows it.  

Like a line item on the job description:

           # 25.  Fix hair, tie bows, wash jackets, be mom, etc.

Sometimes I forget the enormous responsibility handed to me. Other days, honestly,  I choose to ignore it. 

But today, I was given a beautiful reminder that these babies are here in my classroom on purpose.

And until God moves me, I am planning on staying right here.

Because while I am supposed to do my job, I am entrusted to do a whole lot more.

     I hope this finds you ending your school year well.  I hope you feel appreciated for the wonderful gift to the students you are…

     And, I hope in some small way, you all get your own bottle of purple fingernail polish.

                ~niki

Look before you leap....Why my girls will not be " jumping"

I know....I know....You all saw me and their daddy do it,

but our girls will not be jumping.

They have begged.... but ... NO.

I asked them if  they could tell someone what it's like to be married and they said "No, I am not married."

Exactly! You cannot lead somewhere you have not been.

I'll talked to my oldest and she understands that salvation is a calculated decision to give up your life for your Savior.

Not just something to do...

She also understands that it's not a decision she feels ready to make yet. 

We have shared and prayed and while we have done everything in our power. .. until the Spirit leads....

we wait.

See, we believe ...Missions is not a game. People are choosing to die every single day for the cause of Christ.

We cannot for one minute allow their actions to be cheapened.

Some will probably disagree with us on this. That is fine.

I am not saying that it is wrong for anyone except our girls.

So, you guys keep on jumping. 

We support what you are doing whole-heartedly. Just know that there are two who won't be joining.

Sometimes being a parent is fun....but most days it's just hard.

Teachable moments come and you must grab them when you can.

I guess...in a way....your challenges have been "mission work" even in our own family as we talked them through our decision to say. .."NO."

You are helping to water the seeds.....while we wait for that harvest.

So, dear friends.... while we pray that in the future our girls will choose to jump head first into  the arms of a glorious adventure with our Savior,

we are just not there today.

Send your wonderful challenges to another.

....because in missions... and in life - we are teaching our girls...
you must look before you leap.

We love you all!

1-2-3 JUMP

I have been given 24 hours to complete the “Coldwater for Missions“  Challenge. 

                          (thanks Abigail!) J

     If you know me at all, then you know that I will not pass up a challenge!

    The Challenge is simple: 

Find cold water and jump in it. 

“Call Out" 3 of your friends and tell them that they have been given 24 hours to do the same.

               It is supposed to be for Missions awareness, and for the life of me I couldn't see why anyone would do this.

     I mean, how does this help Missions?  How does jumping into freezing water do anything for the Kingdom of God? 

     I have tried hard this weekend to figure this out. 

  “a cup of cold water”…. “Go into all  the world?”

something…. anything… right?

     I mean seriously, if I am going to jump into a freezing body of water at least I would like to understand why. Does someone get money for this?  Is it a new “witnessing tool?”  

                       Where IS my t-shirt? 

Or.... is it supposed to be about something else?

      You have to make a conscience decision to jump into that freezing, cold, water.  You have to conquer your fear.  

You know it could be less than pleasant, probably painful…..and it will rock your world.  Your shocked system will go from scared, to numb, to exhilarated in a matter of minutes.

You must do it in front of the world (camera).

You must then get 3 other people to do it too.

               Uncanny  huh?     

Sounds a whole lot like what we have all been 
"Called Out" to do.

  Some people go to Africa to share the gospel and some do it at Wal-mart.  Some people adopt orphans, others feed the homeless. One man feels called to build houses, while the other man cooks supper for his family because his wife has had a long day.

The only common denominator in showing Jesus to the people of this world is...

It is not a request.

          The Great Commission is not optional. It is purposeful, and intentional... and sometimes I forget that.  I get busy doing life and forget about the LIFE that was given to me. 

        So, today I will jump.  I will do it on purpose and with full knowledge of what lies ahead of me.  I will make a decision to commit to my challenge.

Because today it is about a swimming pool… tomorrow it is about something much, much more.

               1-2-3 JUMP!

1826 days

          “What makes you think this is the greatest moment, 
the biggest thing that God is going to do with you?”

 My sister Cindy's words still echo as I replay those days.

           I had come through some absolutely, incredibly, wonderful, gut- wrenching days and we were all still here.

 Massive aneurysm, brain surgery, life and death stuff…. pretty scary stuff.

  I was satisfied that I had been given my miracle, my moment.  God had shown up, and shown out, and that was just going to be enough for me. 

God was not dead.  I had always believed it,  and now I had first hand proof! 

         HE had chosen to show me so much about Himself  and HE loved me and wanted to continue to work in my life.

    I learned during those days that God chooses to communicate with HIS children in different ways.  For me, it has always been with music. I don't know why, but it just seems like He gets my attention with songs.  

  It was around that time I heard the song, “God of this City."  I sat there just allowing it to sink in . I played it over and over again.  There was a message for me there.  It wasn’t the whole song, but just the part about “Greater things are still to be done here.”

 I took this as a timely reminder to me that God wasn't finished with me.  As long as I have breath,  HE will still act.

 There is always  more from the hands of my Jesus.

                     ( Hang on to that a minute, you will need it later!) 

 Fast forward 1826 days… 5 years.

          Yesterday marked 5 years of my journey.   5 years of lesson plans, supper, softball, dance, cleaning, 5 years of really good days, and 5 years of some really terrifying days.

          All the while, life happened.   So much life happened that most people who weren't involved in the story, will never even know it.

 Being human, I found myself wondering if anyone would even remember that it had been 5 years. 

  Should it even matter to anyone except me? 

          Have you ever had a moment where all you could do is experience God?  No words are needed, no words are adequate.  Only silent tears in the presence of your Savior? 

          I opened up my devotional, and my heart simply stopped.  There on the page was the date:

 March 9, 2014

and the scripture for the day was Psalm 139:15-16

          I couldn't even see the words through my tears.  You see, that is the scripture on my tattoo that is on my foot.  The  daily reminder that God knows me, God sees me, and loves me.

       I will never forget the night before surgery telling my family that if I survived this, I would get a tattoo to remind me. We joked about it for  a while, but in the back of my mind it was always there. I wanted the scripture that God had played over and over in my mind to comfort me.

  The one I literally clung to for dear life.

      On the one year anniversary of my brain surgery, Gary took me to finally get my tattoo.  A mark to serve as a forever reminder of the sovereignty of my God in MY life.   The Scripture is Psalm 139, and the flower is a Japanese Cherry Blossom.   

Both representing the "fragility of life"  and the presence of a CREATOR.

….and here I was 5 years to the day opening up my Bible, being reminded once again that God knows my heart. HE cares about what I care about!  That while life happened and time moved on- He simply didn't.  He is still the same…. and HE knows my name and HE remembers.

          I spent the rest of the day in celebration of my “special gift.”  His acknowledgement of me was enough.  I needed nothing more. How dare I even ask?  My God had gently reminded me that HE was still involved in my thoughts, heart and life.  

  I went to church and sat in the back.  I don't normally do that.  I am the minister's wife and have been on the front row for 20 years.  It was just that night wanted to be quiet and worship privately.  My blessed heart had cried all day and  simply wanted to thank God for remembering me on my "special day".  

Normally I go to church to get something, but this night I just wanted to thank HIM and tell HIM that HIS work in my heart was all I needed.

The praise and worship team began leading in worship and I stood there in awe.  Replaying my day and thanking HIM for all HE had done- not just that day but the last 5 years of this journey.  

And I guess you have figured out the rest of the story..... 

The last song.... of the last set.....  I heard the first note, and my heart just knew. 

The song was, “God of this City."

     I uttered whatever pitiful attempt I could through my tears.  I wouldn't even really call it singing, but I tried.

There I was, standing in the middle of hundreds, with one realization. While I was worshiping the God of the Universe, HE was remembering me....


.....and  Greater things are yet to come.....  ( that's pretty awesome!)