Christmas at Wal- Mart

You know, every year I am determined not to let Christmas be commercial. To keep the fun and the meaning intact. To protect the magic of childhood and the miracle of His birth. A noble venture…. at which I usually fail.



Today is Christmas Eve and I was where everyone else in the world was….. Wal-mart. Doing what mothers do --- just picking up a few more things. To make it the BEST EVER. I had been around the store twice and I was beginning to lose that holiday magic.


I saw her. Wanting to avoid her because my to do list was long and she is by nature, well--- not a short visit, if you know what I mean. I stopped to exchange pleasantries. Embarrassedly, I only half listened to what she said. As we wrapped up our conversation, she looked at me and said “ May you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year”. I smiled and said, "Not sure it could get any better" and walked off. I was being flippant, and then my own words began to ring in my ears.


I looked in my buggy. Tears began to pour down my face. My attempt to improve on what is already more than enough. Right there in the candy isle- Jesus showed Himself to me. To remind me of the reason for it all. To stop and once more get my attention about things that are eternal.


Blessed, I am so unbelievably blessed. I need for nothing, I want for nothing. and I have HIM. The best blessing the world has ever been given.


My pitiful attempt of making good…. better was embarrassing. My ephiphany- caused me to change right there in the candy isle at Wal- mart. I dried my tears and put all my extra stuff back.


Christmas had already come to me….. right in the middle of Wal- mart

One Room.... THBC Homecoming

It didn’t hit me until I sat down. Then, it consumed me. The simplicity of it all… in this one room. I sat there, taking it all in, with just a single tear rolling down my cheek.



One room. My life, my decisions, my foundation.. .all in this one room.


The Sanctuary at THBC.

You see, over there to my right, I walked the isle and made my profession of faith at 8. To my left is the isle I walked down as a bride to my prince 15 years ago. Up there, way up there in the top- I was one of the “balcony rats”. Bottom floor- 5 rows from the back- middle section, left side- my parents (every service) for over 20 years could be found.

You know, I saw my husband in this room for the first time. He surrendered to the ministry-….right over there.

I was baptized in that baptistery. Sang in that choir loft. Performed on that stage. Gave my testimony in that pulpit.  All in this one room.

21 years of memories- now ,I know I should have been listening to the preacher (and Bro Doug, I did hear most of it) , but my mind kept wandering.

Am I 35, am I 15 OR 5? It is kind of hard to tell in this … a timeless moment.

History, Everybody has one- Everybody needs one. It is important to remember from which you came. I haven’t been in this room in over 10 years physically- but I come here often…. In my thoughts .

You know, the voice of God still echoes in my head and heart as only Bro. Doug can.


I think of the countless hours spent listening to someone share the Words of God with me and know that who I am today….. was built then. It is humbling to know, had they not taken the time, my life would be vastly different.

So I sat there today, looking around at the past and how it has fused into the present . It makes me nostalgic and just a little sad.
How can you be homesick for a place you know you can never have again? Those days are wonderful memories, remnants of another era. The record of my beginnings, but nevertheless, a page that has already been turned.

I am so thankful for my years at Tusculum. THBC is forever in my heart. My years there were precious. A lifetime of memories to share- and while I know I can’t re-live those days, it is comforting to know…

On occasions- very special occasions like this-- Who says you can’t go home?



NM2010

Explorer 100

Explorer 100

My girls love the beach. Not unlike their mother who aspires to live in a house overlooking the ocean. They wake up squealing, piercing cries of uninhibited childhood joy. The sun, the sand, the shells, but most of all the waves.

The waves are taller and stronger than the girls. The problem- drowning, the solution…. Explorer 100. We needed a plan, we bought this little black and yellow boat.

For $13.00 we purchased a memory.

For three days they rode. The look on their faces was priceless. Half absolute thrill- the other half, pure unprecedented terror. Never knowing if the boat would hold, not certain is the life jackets would work. Always watching for the “Big One” fearful of flipping, but anticipating and half desiring a wild ride.

The calls from the boat were genuine. Glee sprinkled with a little uncertainty. Little did they know … no matter how high the wave, no matter how scary the situation, no matter the wind or wave---

I was holding the rope!

There was no way the situation was out of my hand. I had them in my grip. They might not feel like it. They might not even see the rope or know I was holding it. But there was no way I was letting go.

I kept it from flipping- from going too far or getting too dangerous.

You know, I was sitting there on the beach and I started to think. I wonder if that is what we look like to God.

Willingly getting into the boat of this Christian life, ready to hang on for a life of adventure, a wild wonderful ride. Everything is great, then the wind starts to blow.

Relational distress, diagnosis, infidelity.....

The storm is raging, the waves are crashing. The world is spinning. We are hanging on for dear life. Fear is the master of our emotions.

Life out of control.

The wind and waves go wild. All we can do is hang on. Stay in the boat.

Trust that the one who is holding the rope is paying attention here. 

Getting scared when things get out of hand, that is normal. I am human and the fact of the matter is this…

I am not holding the rope. I don’t even want to.

Holding the rope inside the boat is futile. It just doesn’t work. In order for the anchor to hold – there must be something stronger, bigger, and heavier or Someone to whom to attach

I am glad I get to be a passenger. An active participator but not the Ultimate Controller. I am so thankful for the promise that when the wind kicks up and the waves start to crash.... there is ONE who love me very much... and HE is holding the rope.

Psalm 46.
46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Roots

It is Summertime in Tennessee; Father’s Day to be exact. That means one thing if you are a Woodard.

 Everybody goes to camp!

Every two years The Woodard Family comes together for three days of food, fun, and fellowship. There are around 60 of us who actually brave this endeavor. 

We are the “Children, grandchildren, and the greats”

Remnants of another time....

Two parents, 10 kids, and the succession which produced me.

                         The roots of our family.

It’s funny thing about roots, they grow deep. Growing up “a Woodard, part of Verdie’s clan (my grandmother) is just part of who I am. I found comfort in knowing I had an ancestry. Documented stories, pictures, places and events that filled in the holes from which I came.

 I love the stories,enjoy the fun, but it has never just been about entertainment.
There was always something different about this group, even as a child I saw it. Our common denominator wasn’t just our genealogy, but our God.

My memories of reunions were of us taking time on Sunday mornings—and coming together to worship our God. Songs of the faith, lessons from days of old. Prayers of thanksgiving from the past. Plans for the future. Our faith brought us back together.

The faith of our family is our legacy.

My memories of my Grandmother (one of the 10) are simple, a green chair and a Bible. The staples to her life. Walking into her house, you always knew where to find her. In her green chair, reading her Bible. Her faith was rooted in her core, central in her life. She taught youth Sunday School into her 80’s and was amazing!

Passing on her faith to the next generation.

She got it! She understood its importance. She had found the value of passing on a legacy. But from where?

Faith can be taught, but more often it is caught.

To love your God so completely… that your children find Him.

I was Grandmother’s favorite (we all were). She always demanded when I left on my long drives to call her when I got home. One day I finally asked her why. She said “I wait, and I pray for you and your safety until you get home.” That was a 6 hour drive. She would hang up the phone with me and say “Amen.” I had my very own prayer warrior! I couldn’t help but live so closely to this faith that it began to rub off.

I saw it in her, I see it in my parents, and I had to find it.

I now understand the words of an older song, “through YOUR faith, I have come to believe in a prayer."



What a legacy to leave. What an Inheritance. What a gift.

 To have a faith lived out in front of you so genuinely..... you know it is real.


What a responsibility…

The rest of that song says “We must not let the years erase, this inheritance of amazing grace, But through every tomorrow, Our children must follow, In this passage of faith.”

Our charge is to continue.

I have to now hand down this faith to my children. I get to touch tomorrow. We all will. One way or another, we will pass on this legacy of faith.

And I can’t wait….cause one day, in Heaven, I will see my grandmother (Verdie) again… she is still awaiting my safe arrival HOME. We will watch our family. My children, and grandchildren… serving Her God, The circle will be unbroken. The family legacy will remain. I will get to hear her say to me again, “You know, the funny thing about roots is that they do grow deep. This, my child, pleases me.”

Pier 78

It was time to take a little vacation. Just me… no kids, no Gary, nobody needing something from me. To get away. The world was closing in.

My Vacation spot---- If I get to pick- it is always the same place. Pier 78.    Front Beach Road,    in a little dive that I can stay in for 25.00 a night. I’ve been here 27 times since fifth grade. It is not what you would call luxury by any means but for me, I love it.

I come here for one reason… It restores my soul. Something inside causes me to remember decisions made here. Life changing decisions. My course was set here. Milestones in my journey were laid.

The decisions which are now my life were made on this beach. I walk around and remember. Funny stories, heart wrenching stories. Weeks of youth camp. Hours of sermons. Years of Bible study. Miles of prayers and tears. Everything from leading a caravan …. to leading others to Christ.

So naturally …. This is my place of retreat.

I came here tired, spent, worn out, DONE. Determined to find answers, to solve the world’s problems. Armed with enough Bible study literature and information, I was ready to come here and “ get to work” Just me and God--- not leaving until I found the answers I needed.

The funny thing about God is that He had a plan too- it just wasn’t my plan. I justified my trip in my mind as a spiritual retreat. I had a problem and I wanted answers. I sat down and told Him what I needed and how we should go about it.

I kept talking and He just sat there. I jumped up and down demanding answers and He said, “Niki, Just Stop! Stop striving, Stop planning, Stop searching. STOP! There will be time for all of that but, it is not now. Sit down, shut up! and listen.”

Yeah,  God tells me to shut up! I guess after all these years of working with me... He knows the truth. I would rather talk than listen.

I came here to learn about wisdom in parenting or so I thought. He led me to Mark 12:3 to show me the problem. It wasn’t that I needed wisdom, I needed obedience.

The Great Commandment.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Confused I sat wondering how this was going to effect the change I was demanding.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart --- uhmm, I think I get that one. I decided long ago that my life is one of service in reverence for my King. I try to do that.

Love your neighbor- Do that too. Or try to… all the time in my classroom, in my home, at church

Then it hit me . AS YOURSELF.

As yourself? What does that look like? How do you love yourself and not be selfish?  I thought you were supposed to give to others. My whole motherhood has been given for these precious girls. They are the air I breathe. I thought I was loving them by sacrificing it all. The ministry aspect of our lives , too, is an all encompassing, glorious task handed down by the Creator. Laid out and designed for us.

How does loving myself fit into this picture?

You know God seldom yells, and I had to get quiet to hear him. 

To remove myself from the roar of the ordinary to encounter the Holy.

 His answer was so simple… If you don’t love yourself enough to take care of yourself , how can you love God or anyone else for that matter? How can I love God or others from an empty heart? How can I serve without strength? His words were painful.. .but true “Niki, you are empty. You are trying to fix the problem. Fix you! Take care of yourself, so you can then tackle the mountain”

The great commandment has an element in it about me! Loving myself. And I have missed it all these years. He began showing me , for me it is about TIME. Minutes of worship, which is the norm, contrasted and compared to days of just being aware of His presence. Real Sabbath time.

Not seeking to find Him. Just sitting with Him and watching the waves He created. To just know He is there. To bask in His Presence. Operating out of the overflow, what a concept! Not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, exhausted, stressed, yelling and surviving on the fumes .

Really? The Bible commands that I take me time! Sweet!

It was a freeing revelation. To know that God wants me to put on the oxygen mask first. (you know on airplanes how you are instructed to help yourself first- then others). It is not selfish to say no. It is not selfish to say yes. It is not wrong to do what it takes to rejuvenate yourself in order to say YES to Him.

You know, He was right. ( usually is). Any problem or situation I face – the answer is HIM. Sit with HIM. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is healing. In His presence… is … well… HIM.

I cannot give to HIM or others what I do not have. If I want to follow the Great Commandment- I have to follow it all. I can’t pick the parts to follow or ignore.

Jesus did it and He is God! He went away to a quiet place. If He sees the need for focus times or uninterrupted worship and rest so should I.

Why are all of my lessons so hard to get? I always learn the hard way. Years of doing and doing and I should have just been “ being” . Not apathetic- just finicky in the things that occupy my heart and time. I am beginning to get it. The realities are sinking in.

Let me encourage you to do what I have done. Take some time… a while. Not just your regular Bible Study- but more and just sit with Him. It can be at home. It can be wherever your “ spot “ is. Hear how much He loves you . Close out the chaos and the drowning noise of life for a while. You won’t regret it

As for me… If you can’t find me at home, you know where I will be--- I ‘ll be at Pier 78 if you need me.

Niki

From a Mother's Heart

From a Mother’s Heart,

Tonight we close a chapter and open a new one. You are no longer a baby, but a child preparing to step up and take life by the hand. As this thought began to drown me, I had an epiphany. The parallels between reality and ceremony were daunting to me.

As I watched you walk across that stage and get your Pre-School diploma, my heart swelled with pride at the joy all over your face I had an overwhelming desire to stop the program. To stand up and to scream: STOP! REMEMBER THIS, IT IS IMPORTANT!

So while I didn’t stop the event… I do have some thoughts I would like to share with you-


Tonight I watched as the light in your soul began to shine. With uninhibited childhood joy you sang and danced for your Savior. As you grow, please don’t lose that freedom. Be more concerned with Jesus’ applause- not men’s. Live to please Him alone. You may achieve great fame or honor, but true success is where you stand when your Audience of One is Jesus.

I watched you sing your little Bible songs. With joy I heard you say, “ I get down, He lifts me up.” As your mother I only hope for happy days. Days full of sunshine and roses. As a realist, and one who has had some very hard days… I know the truth is undeniable. I am so thankful that at 5 you have learned lessons it takes some people a lifetime to grasp. When you get down, turn to Him. The One who knows the hairs on your head, also knows your heart. Trust Him to lift you up.

I saw you shine as you recited your Bible verses. The pride over accomplishments was so evident. You worked hard and you met your goals. You don’t know it yet- but it was then you touched tomorrow. Those verses were never meant to just be words my child. They are the firm foundation you will build your future upon. The words of hope and comfort on which you will cling when life stops being easy. Clutch your Bible. I saw them hand it to you and I wanted to tell you how important it truly is. God’s word is all you need. Your name is already on it. Grab it and hold on. It is already yours.

Tonight I saw you have to fight to even get in the door. To persevere in what is right when the rest of the world is doing wrong. You had to go against the flow at 5. What an awesome lesson. What do you do when you know what is right, but you can’t see or hear what you expect? … Do you just stop, or do you keep on? My child….Press on.

I saw you make pledges and promises about allegiances and beliefs on which you will base your life. I pray you may never have to defend that promise, but if you do- that you will do so boldly and confidently… knowing those promises are worth dying for.

Even in the middle of the ceremony when Mrs. Rhonda said, “Catch a bubble!”. What a timely lesson. To know when to speak and when to listen. To know that God seldom yells and you will have to learn to sit and listen in order to hear Him.

And then Remember…. As we watched the slide show, I had the

thought. What an incredible tool to recount the past. You will need to do that again and again as you grow. Life gets hard and sometimes your memory will fog with the events of today and you will forget the victories of the past. Remember what God has done.

So, there it is… Reality colliding with ceremony. In the middle of it all stands a Plan. The plan is one to “prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” Please know I will be there as you grow. Reminding you gently of what you have been so wonderfully taught. Forming the future with you. I will be the one who will hold your hand in preparation of one day letting it go.

Just know that when you begin your own race, I will be there. Thankful for all you have learned and have been shown. And while I can’t run your race for you…. I will be there. You can find me… I will be the one cheering the loudest.

I Love you,

Mom

Where I am From

Where I’m From

(Adapted from George Ella Lyon)

Nicole Millraney

I am from 505 Castlegate Drive, a quiet little dead end where I spent my childhood.
From Opryland and UNA softball, where I hit a home run and my mom threw up.
I am from basketball games where I made the winning shot,
Victory never tasted so sweet.

I am from Ezell- Harding Christian School and Tusculum Hills Baptist Church, where the foundations of my life were laid.
I am from “Silly Girls” and rolling houses, loving my sister Cindy, and eating Nestle Tollhouse pies.
From Shotgun shells, fake fingernails and four wheelers in the rain.
Wet, nasty, covered in mud,
Having the time of my life.
Daddy always said “true beauty is versatile.”

I am from grandmother’s house, chocolate chip cookies,
And “Every woman looks beautiful in red”.
From hitting the only light pole on the property, and refusing to cry when it hurt.

I am from taking Geometry seven times, but never letting it take me.
From cramming four years of college into seven,
Crying but never quitting.

From “Yes, Lord I will follow” and “Yes mom, I ‘m going to marry him”

I am from 223 Fuller Hall, the first place we called home.
No air, no carpet, and no money
Just with love, the world to face.
In that setting, I learned about God’s Amazing Grace

I am from mom and dad, my dear parents,
And Gary, the only love I’ll ever know.
From Lindsey Grace and Anna Kate, who set my heart aglow

These are my memories
Precious no doubt,
The ones I wouldn’t want to live
My life without.