I heard it playing on the radio as I pulled out of the parking lot. It was the perfect song as I was driving away from morning worship yesterday.
The sermon had something to do with surrender and seeing God in HIS temple. I don’t really remember a lot of details about the sermon ( sorry Ray!) It was the invitation that grasped me.
The invitation time was simple. We were supposed to close our eyes and ask God to show us Who He is.
I followed my instructions. Bowed my head and prayed, and waited.
Half- Expecting to see something supernatural…. HIS train, HIS temple, seraphim, something in my holy imagination to stir my heart.
I felt this nudging in my soul….. You want to see me? You really want to experience who I am? Niki, Open your eyes.
I couldn’t help it. I opened my eyes. I saw all these people at the altar during the invitation. I got the message loud and clear. I AM all around you…. My glory IS HERE.
Now, I have been on the front row of every service for around 18 years . I have a front row seat for watching God move. Sadly- I guess I get used to it.
I stood there amazed that I was privileged to be a spectator to this event.
HE gently pointed out to me:
That is ME—I am healing her hurt. That’s ME. I am their convicting sin. I am restoring homes. I am restoring lives. I am granting salvation. That’s Me. I am changing hearts and lives.
God never ceases to amaze me. I ask, and HE gives, but never in the way I request and always so much more than I deserve.
He answer was so simple: Don’ t ask for ME to show up, because I am here-
Ask ME to show YOU- because I am waiting .
Saturday, February 12, 2011
2011 in just one word
Our family gatherings are usually fun and always loud. Full of lively discussion and even a little debate. This year, at our family meal, my sister posed a question. One that tormented me all night long. She encouraged us to go around the table and tell our goals and dreams for 2011. To try to sum up our year vision with just one word. The room filled with words like wisdom, fun, rest, nest, discipline, etc .
I just couldn’t come up with one.
I have thought about where I am and where I want to be often this close of the year. What needs to change and what needs to stay the same to move me toward where I want to be. But to condense it down to one word….
For someone who doesn't usually have trouble with words.... I was struggling.
At first I picked Mosaic, because I had a collage of things on which I wanted to focus, then decided that wasn’t part of the rule. I chose other words all night long and I couldn’t settle.
In the middle of the pandemonium…. the magic began to fade. Late night + lots of sugar and caffeine, too much together was beginning to cause our precious angels to grow horns as only New Year’s Eve can. Amidst the chaos and Lindz throwing up (because eight cookies should never be eaten as a snack)…. I was given my word.
Around 11:00 I saw something that truly stopped me. Not a holy moment, but one that made me completely wonder. Marveling at the moment I was witnessing. In the middle of the confusion, kids fighting, a Wii blaring, puppy running around… I saw them in the corner.
My mom and my daughter, 11:00 at night, sitting on the couch just talking. They were so caught up in each other, that for the moment all the other was insignificant.
You see, I was reminded that life is a series of moments. Some good, some not so good. Moments of awe and moments of absolute despair or frustration. All moments though. Moments we can’t get back. I saw in that moment just how fragile life is.
I re- played the past, the multitude of close calls our family has experienced, the miracles we have witnessed … And I wondered- How many more holidays will we have complete? A whole unit. No one missing, all happy, healthy and together.
I made a decision. This year I will practice savoring the moment- whatever it will be. Not fretting over the future or regretting past mistakes. The comedy, the reality, the drama, the tender, all the moments that will make 2011. Knowing that life is precious and time is a gift....... I am going to purposefully try to shelter that gift. To recognize it for what it is. A piece of my story I will never get back.
In that moment I finally found my word. CHERISH
I just couldn’t come up with one.
I have thought about where I am and where I want to be often this close of the year. What needs to change and what needs to stay the same to move me toward where I want to be. But to condense it down to one word….
For someone who doesn't usually have trouble with words.... I was struggling.
At first I picked Mosaic, because I had a collage of things on which I wanted to focus, then decided that wasn’t part of the rule. I chose other words all night long and I couldn’t settle.
In the middle of the pandemonium…. the magic began to fade. Late night + lots of sugar and caffeine, too much together was beginning to cause our precious angels to grow horns as only New Year’s Eve can. Amidst the chaos and Lindz throwing up (because eight cookies should never be eaten as a snack)…. I was given my word.
Around 11:00 I saw something that truly stopped me. Not a holy moment, but one that made me completely wonder. Marveling at the moment I was witnessing. In the middle of the confusion, kids fighting, a Wii blaring, puppy running around… I saw them in the corner.
My mom and my daughter, 11:00 at night, sitting on the couch just talking. They were so caught up in each other, that for the moment all the other was insignificant.
You see, I was reminded that life is a series of moments. Some good, some not so good. Moments of awe and moments of absolute despair or frustration. All moments though. Moments we can’t get back. I saw in that moment just how fragile life is.
I re- played the past, the multitude of close calls our family has experienced, the miracles we have witnessed … And I wondered- How many more holidays will we have complete? A whole unit. No one missing, all happy, healthy and together.
I made a decision. This year I will practice savoring the moment- whatever it will be. Not fretting over the future or regretting past mistakes. The comedy, the reality, the drama, the tender, all the moments that will make 2011. Knowing that life is precious and time is a gift....... I am going to purposefully try to shelter that gift. To recognize it for what it is. A piece of my story I will never get back.
In that moment I finally found my word. CHERISH
Christmas at Wal- Mart
You know, every year I am determined not to let Christmas be commercial. To keep the fun and the meaning intact. To protect the magic of childhood and the miracle of His birth. A noble venture…. at which I usually fail.
Today is Christmas Eve and I was where everyone else in the world was….. Wal-mart. Doing what mothers do --- just picking up a few more things. To make it the BEST EVER. I had been around the store twice and I was beginning to lose that holiday magic.
I saw her. Wanting to avoid her because my to do list was long and she is by nature, well--- not a short visit, if you know what I mean. I stopped to exchange pleasantries. Embarrassedly, I only half listened to what she said. As we wrapped up our conversation, she looked at me and said “ May you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year”. I smiled and said, "Not sure it could get any better" and walked off. I was being flippant, and then my own words began to ring in my ears.
I looked in my buggy. Tears began to pour down my face. My attempt to improve on what is already more than enough. Right there in the candy isle- Jesus showed Himself to me. To remind me of the reason for it all. To stop and once more get my attention about things that are eternal.
Blessed, I am so unbelievably blessed. I need for nothing, I want for nothing. and I have HIM. The best blessing the world has ever been given.
My pitiful attempt of making good…. better was embarrassing. My ephiphany- caused me to change right there in the candy isle at Wal- mart. I dried my tears and put all my extra stuff back.
Christmas had already come to me….. right in the middle of Wal- mart
Today is Christmas Eve and I was where everyone else in the world was….. Wal-mart. Doing what mothers do --- just picking up a few more things. To make it the BEST EVER. I had been around the store twice and I was beginning to lose that holiday magic.
I saw her. Wanting to avoid her because my to do list was long and she is by nature, well--- not a short visit, if you know what I mean. I stopped to exchange pleasantries. Embarrassedly, I only half listened to what she said. As we wrapped up our conversation, she looked at me and said “ May you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year”. I smiled and said, "Not sure it could get any better" and walked off. I was being flippant, and then my own words began to ring in my ears.
I looked in my buggy. Tears began to pour down my face. My attempt to improve on what is already more than enough. Right there in the candy isle- Jesus showed Himself to me. To remind me of the reason for it all. To stop and once more get my attention about things that are eternal.
Blessed, I am so unbelievably blessed. I need for nothing, I want for nothing. and I have HIM. The best blessing the world has ever been given.
My pitiful attempt of making good…. better was embarrassing. My ephiphany- caused me to change right there in the candy isle at Wal- mart. I dried my tears and put all my extra stuff back.
Christmas had already come to me….. right in the middle of Wal- mart
One Room.... THBC Homecoming
It didn’t hit me until I sat down. Then, it consumed me. The simplicity of it all… in this one room. I sat there, taking it all in, with just a single tear rolling down my cheek.
One room. My life, my decisions, my foundation.. .all in this one room.
The Sanctuary at THBC.
You see, over there to my right, I walked the isle and made my profession of faith at 8. To my left is the isle I walked down as a bride to my prince 15 years ago. Up there, way up there in the top- I was one of the “balcony rats”. Bottom floor- 5 rows from the back- middle section, left side- my parents (every service) for over 20 years could be found.
You know, I saw my husband in this room for the first time. He surrendered to the ministry-….right over there.
I was baptized in that baptistery. Sang in that choir loft. Performed on that stage. Gave my testimony in that pulpit. All in this one room.
21 years of memories- now ,I know I should have been listening to the preacher (and Bro Doug, I did hear most of it) , but my mind kept wandering.
Am I 35, am I 15 OR 5? It is kind of hard to tell in this … a timeless moment.
History, Everybody has one- Everybody needs one. It is important to remember from which you came. I haven’t been in this room in over 10 years physically- but I come here often…. In my thoughts .
You know, the voice of God still echoes in my head and heart as only Bro. Doug can.
I think of the countless hours spent listening to someone share the Words of God with me and know that who I am today….. was built then. It is humbling to know, had they not taken the time, my life would be vastly different.
So I sat there today, looking around at the past and how it has fused into the present . It makes me nostalgic and just a little sad.
How can you be homesick for a place you know you can never have again? Those days are wonderful memories, remnants of another era. The record of my beginnings, but nevertheless, a page that has already been turned.
I am so thankful for my years at Tusculum. THBC is forever in my heart. My years there were precious. A lifetime of memories to share- and while I know I can’t re-live those days, it is comforting to know…
On occasions- very special occasions like this-- Who says you can’t go home?
NM2010
One room. My life, my decisions, my foundation.. .all in this one room.
The Sanctuary at THBC.
You see, over there to my right, I walked the isle and made my profession of faith at 8. To my left is the isle I walked down as a bride to my prince 15 years ago. Up there, way up there in the top- I was one of the “balcony rats”. Bottom floor- 5 rows from the back- middle section, left side- my parents (every service) for over 20 years could be found.
You know, I saw my husband in this room for the first time. He surrendered to the ministry-….right over there.
I was baptized in that baptistery. Sang in that choir loft. Performed on that stage. Gave my testimony in that pulpit. All in this one room.
21 years of memories- now ,I know I should have been listening to the preacher (and Bro Doug, I did hear most of it) , but my mind kept wandering.
Am I 35, am I 15 OR 5? It is kind of hard to tell in this … a timeless moment.
History, Everybody has one- Everybody needs one. It is important to remember from which you came. I haven’t been in this room in over 10 years physically- but I come here often…. In my thoughts .
You know, the voice of God still echoes in my head and heart as only Bro. Doug can.
I think of the countless hours spent listening to someone share the Words of God with me and know that who I am today….. was built then. It is humbling to know, had they not taken the time, my life would be vastly different.
So I sat there today, looking around at the past and how it has fused into the present . It makes me nostalgic and just a little sad.
How can you be homesick for a place you know you can never have again? Those days are wonderful memories, remnants of another era. The record of my beginnings, but nevertheless, a page that has already been turned.
I am so thankful for my years at Tusculum. THBC is forever in my heart. My years there were precious. A lifetime of memories to share- and while I know I can’t re-live those days, it is comforting to know…
On occasions- very special occasions like this-- Who says you can’t go home?
NM2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Explorer 100
Explorer 100
My girls love the beach. Not unlike their mother who aspires to live in a house overlooking the ocean. They wake up squealing, piercing cries of uninhibited childhood joy. The sun, the sand, the shells, but most of all the waves.
The waves are taller and stronger than the girls. The problem- drowning, the solution…. Explorer 100. We needed a plan, we bought this little black and yellow boat.
For $13.00 we purchased a memory.
For three days they rode. The look on their faces was priceless. Half absolute thrill- the other half, pure unprecedented terror. Never knowing if the boat would hold, not certain is the life jackets would work. Always watching for the “Big One” fearful of flipping, but anticipating and half desiring a wild ride.
The calls from the boat were genuine. Glee sprinkled with a little uncertainty. Little did they know … no matter how high the wave, no matter how scary the situation, no matter the wind or wave---
I was holding the rope!
There was no way the situation was out of my hand. I had them in my grip. They might not feel like it. They might not even see the rope or know I was holding it. But there was no way I was letting go.
I kept it from flipping- from going too far or getting too dangerous.
You know, I was sitting there on the beach and I started to think. I wonder if that is what we look like to God.
Willingly getting into the boat of this Christian life, ready to hang on for a life of adventure, a wild wonderful ride. Everything is great, then the wind starts to blow.
Relational distress, diagnosis, infidelity.....
The storm is raging, the waves are crashing. The world is spinning. We are hanging on for dear life. Fear is the master of our emotions.
Life out of control.
The wind and waves go wild. All we can do is hang on. Stay in the boat.
Trust that the one who is holding the rope is paying attention here.
Getting scared when things get out of hand, that is normal. I am human and the fact of the matter is this…
I am not holding the rope. I don’t even want to.
Holding the rope inside the boat is futile. It just doesn’t work. In order for the anchor to hold – there must be something stronger, bigger, and heavier or Someone to whom to attach
I am glad I get to be a passenger. An active participator but not the Ultimate Controller. I am so thankful for the promise that when the wind kicks up and the waves start to crash.... there is ONE who love me very much... and HE is holding the rope.
Psalm 46.
46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
My girls love the beach. Not unlike their mother who aspires to live in a house overlooking the ocean. They wake up squealing, piercing cries of uninhibited childhood joy. The sun, the sand, the shells, but most of all the waves.
The waves are taller and stronger than the girls. The problem- drowning, the solution…. Explorer 100. We needed a plan, we bought this little black and yellow boat.
For $13.00 we purchased a memory.
For three days they rode. The look on their faces was priceless. Half absolute thrill- the other half, pure unprecedented terror. Never knowing if the boat would hold, not certain is the life jackets would work. Always watching for the “Big One” fearful of flipping, but anticipating and half desiring a wild ride.
The calls from the boat were genuine. Glee sprinkled with a little uncertainty. Little did they know … no matter how high the wave, no matter how scary the situation, no matter the wind or wave---
I was holding the rope!
There was no way the situation was out of my hand. I had them in my grip. They might not feel like it. They might not even see the rope or know I was holding it. But there was no way I was letting go.
I kept it from flipping- from going too far or getting too dangerous.
You know, I was sitting there on the beach and I started to think. I wonder if that is what we look like to God.
Willingly getting into the boat of this Christian life, ready to hang on for a life of adventure, a wild wonderful ride. Everything is great, then the wind starts to blow.
Relational distress, diagnosis, infidelity.....
The storm is raging, the waves are crashing. The world is spinning. We are hanging on for dear life. Fear is the master of our emotions.
Life out of control.
The wind and waves go wild. All we can do is hang on. Stay in the boat.
Trust that the one who is holding the rope is paying attention here.
Getting scared when things get out of hand, that is normal. I am human and the fact of the matter is this…
I am not holding the rope. I don’t even want to.
Holding the rope inside the boat is futile. It just doesn’t work. In order for the anchor to hold – there must be something stronger, bigger, and heavier or Someone to whom to attach
I am glad I get to be a passenger. An active participator but not the Ultimate Controller. I am so thankful for the promise that when the wind kicks up and the waves start to crash.... there is ONE who love me very much... and HE is holding the rope.
Psalm 46.
46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Roots
It is Summertime in Tennessee; Father’s Day to be exact. That means one thing if you are a Woodard.
Everybody goes to camp!
Every two years The Woodard Family comes together for three days of food, fun, and fellowship. There are around 60 of us who actually brave this endeavor.
We are the “Children, grandchildren, and the greats”
Remnants of another time....
Two parents, 10 kids, and the succession which produced me.
The roots of our family.
It’s funny thing about roots, they grow deep. Growing up “a Woodard, part of Verdie’s clan (my grandmother) is just part of who I am. I found comfort in knowing I had an ancestry. Documented stories, pictures, places and events that filled in the holes from which I came.
I love the stories,enjoy the fun, but it has never just been about entertainment.
There was always something different about this group, even as a child I saw it. Our common denominator wasn’t just our genealogy, but our God.
My memories of reunions were of us taking time on Sunday mornings—and coming together to worship our God. Songs of the faith, lessons from days of old. Prayers of thanksgiving from the past. Plans for the future. Our faith brought us back together.
The faith of our family is our legacy.
My memories of my Grandmother (one of the 10) are simple, a green chair and a Bible. The staples to her life. Walking into her house, you always knew where to find her. In her green chair, reading her Bible. Her faith was rooted in her core, central in her life. She taught youth Sunday School into her 80’s and was amazing!
Passing on her faith to the next generation.
She got it! She understood its importance. She had found the value of passing on a legacy. But from where?
Faith can be taught, but more often it is caught.
To love your God so completely… that your children find Him.
I was Grandmother’s favorite (we all were). She always demanded when I left on my long drives to call her when I got home. One day I finally asked her why. She said “I wait, and I pray for you and your safety until you get home.” That was a 6 hour drive. She would hang up the phone with me and say “Amen.” I had my very own prayer warrior! I couldn’t help but live so closely to this faith that it began to rub off.
I saw it in her, I see it in my parents, and I had to find it.
I now understand the words of an older song, “through YOUR faith, I have come to believe in a prayer."
What a legacy to leave. What an Inheritance. What a gift.
To have a faith lived out in front of you so genuinely..... you know it is real.
What a responsibility…
The rest of that song says “We must not let the years erase, this inheritance of amazing grace, But through every tomorrow, Our children must follow, In this passage of faith.”
Our charge is to continue.
I have to now hand down this faith to my children. I get to touch tomorrow. We all will. One way or another, we will pass on this legacy of faith.
And I can’t wait….cause one day, in Heaven, I will see my grandmother (Verdie) again… she is still awaiting my safe arrival HOME. We will watch our family. My children, and grandchildren… serving Her God, The circle will be unbroken. The family legacy will remain. I will get to hear her say to me again, “You know, the funny thing about roots is that they do grow deep. This, my child, pleases me.”
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Pier 78
It was time to take a little vacation. Just me… no kids, no Gary, nobody needing something from me. To get away. The world was closing in.
My Vacation spot---- If I get to pick- it is always the same place. Pier 78. Front Beach Road, in a little dive that I can stay in for 25.00 a night. I’ve been here 27 times since fifth grade. It is not what you would call luxury by any means but for me, I love it.
I come here for one reason… It restores my soul. Something inside causes me to remember decisions made here. Life changing decisions. My course was set here. Milestones in my journey were laid.
The decisions which are now my life were made on this beach. I walk around and remember. Funny stories, heart wrenching stories. Weeks of youth camp. Hours of sermons. Years of Bible study. Miles of prayers and tears. Everything from leading a caravan …. to leading others to Christ.
So naturally …. This is my place of retreat.
I came here tired, spent, worn out, DONE. Determined to find answers, to solve the world’s problems. Armed with enough Bible study literature and information, I was ready to come here and “ get to work” Just me and God--- not leaving until I found the answers I needed.
The funny thing about God is that He had a plan too- it just wasn’t my plan. I justified my trip in my mind as a spiritual retreat. I had a problem and I wanted answers. I sat down and told Him what I needed and how we should go about it.
I kept talking and He just sat there. I jumped up and down demanding answers and He said, “Niki, Just Stop! Stop striving, Stop planning, Stop searching. STOP! There will be time for all of that but, it is not now. Sit down, shut up! and listen.”
Yeah, God tells me to shut up! I guess after all these years of working with me... He knows the truth. I would rather talk than listen.
I came here to learn about wisdom in parenting or so I thought. He led me to Mark 12:3 to show me the problem. It wasn’t that I needed wisdom, I needed obedience.
The Great Commandment.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Confused I sat wondering how this was going to effect the change I was demanding.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart --- uhmm, I think I get that one. I decided long ago that my life is one of service in reverence for my King. I try to do that.
Love your neighbor- Do that too. Or try to… all the time in my classroom, in my home, at church
Then it hit me . AS YOURSELF.
As yourself? What does that look like? How do you love yourself and not be selfish? I thought you were supposed to give to others. My whole motherhood has been given for these precious girls. They are the air I breathe. I thought I was loving them by sacrificing it all. The ministry aspect of our lives , too, is an all encompassing, glorious task handed down by the Creator. Laid out and designed for us.
How does loving myself fit into this picture?
You know God seldom yells, and I had to get quiet to hear him.
To remove myself from the roar of the ordinary to encounter the Holy.
His answer was so simple… If you don’t love yourself enough to take care of yourself , how can you love God or anyone else for that matter? How can I love God or others from an empty heart? How can I serve without strength? His words were painful.. .but true “Niki, you are empty. You are trying to fix the problem. Fix you! Take care of yourself, so you can then tackle the mountain”
The great commandment has an element in it about me! Loving myself. And I have missed it all these years. He began showing me , for me it is about TIME. Minutes of worship, which is the norm, contrasted and compared to days of just being aware of His presence. Real Sabbath time.
Not seeking to find Him. Just sitting with Him and watching the waves He created. To just know He is there. To bask in His Presence. Operating out of the overflow, what a concept! Not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, exhausted, stressed, yelling and surviving on the fumes .
Really? The Bible commands that I take me time! Sweet!
It was a freeing revelation. To know that God wants me to put on the oxygen mask first. (you know on airplanes how you are instructed to help yourself first- then others). It is not selfish to say no. It is not selfish to say yes. It is not wrong to do what it takes to rejuvenate yourself in order to say YES to Him.
You know, He was right. ( usually is). Any problem or situation I face – the answer is HIM. Sit with HIM. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is healing. In His presence… is … well… HIM.
I cannot give to HIM or others what I do not have. If I want to follow the Great Commandment- I have to follow it all. I can’t pick the parts to follow or ignore.
Jesus did it and He is God! He went away to a quiet place. If He sees the need for focus times or uninterrupted worship and rest so should I.
Why are all of my lessons so hard to get? I always learn the hard way. Years of doing and doing and I should have just been “ being” . Not apathetic- just finicky in the things that occupy my heart and time. I am beginning to get it. The realities are sinking in.
Let me encourage you to do what I have done. Take some time… a while. Not just your regular Bible Study- but more and just sit with Him. It can be at home. It can be wherever your “ spot “ is. Hear how much He loves you . Close out the chaos and the drowning noise of life for a while. You won’t regret it
As for me… If you can’t find me at home, you know where I will be--- I ‘ll be at Pier 78 if you need me.
Niki
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