Pedal
One of my epic failures in motherhood has been to successfully teach Anna Kate to ride her bike. I guess I should clarify. The concept has been grasped, it is the execution she finds daunting. She gets the whole idea of pedaling; it is just controlling the bike that is an issue. Whenever she gets out of control, going too fast, or just a little scared she jumps off. She will totally ditch her bike.
Despite countless warnings, skinned knees and dangerous crashes, she won’t stay on. I have gently explained that you cannot control the bike if you are not on it. If you want to regain control you have to stay on the bike. She absolutely refuses. Several failed attempts where one or both of us ends in tears, has caused her to give up completely. There is no childhood joy for her and that bike.
In an attempt to salvage this rite of passage, we took her to Callaway Gardens. Our goal here was simple; see other people riding and having fun and maybe she would too.
Now, Gary and I are fairly intelligent people, but we completely missed this one. Training wheels won’t go on trails. In our attempt to have a big, fun, family adventure, we overlooked the obvious.
We had started off well, everyone was happy. Then we rounded the corner and realized that the terrain was changing. Anna Kate was doing fine on what she called “the smooth” ( concrete). It was the mulch and the dirt that got her. I sent Gary and Lindsey on, and I stayed behind with her. My only goal was to encourage her, and to try not to let her see my laughing as her wheels just spun in the landscape. She would pedal and do nothing but spin her wheels. As the dirt was flying and she was getting frustrated, I decided I had better push her.
I am certain that other people thought I was killing her as dirt and tears ran down her little face. I’ll admit we were a sight to see, and then it got worse. She quit on me.
Complete and total surrender to the trail. White flag failure. She made every possible excuse, blamed anything and anyone around, and then sat down, took off her helmet, and cried.
Now some of you know me pretty well, and I am sure you can envision this battle of wills in the middle of the forest. She was determined to quit. I offered no reprieve. I picked up her bike, put her on it and said, “Pedal!”
Her big, blue, eyes looked at me in bewilderment. She was tired. She was hot. She was DONE. But… we were in the middle of the journey and there was only one way out. She had to pedal. If we were to get through this, she had to get back on and start again.
I had just about given up on her making it and then I saw her face. She heard something. Lindsey and Gary had gone on before us. From way down the trail, she could hear Lindsey:
“Come on Anna Kate, you can do it. You are a big girl. Get on your bike and ride! I know you are tired, but I just did it. The next part is smooth, it is flat. Ride to me!” Anna Kate, I am waiting for you, come on!”
Her little face lit up, she got on the bike and started to try. Then she heard the booming voice of her daddy coming through the trees. “Let’s go little girl! Keep pedaling. You can do this, I am over here. Ride to me. I am not going to leave you. Get out of the dirt, and get over here.”
She started talking to herself, “keep pedaling, almost there. I can hear them. I can do this. Look Mommy, I am doing this.”
By the time we actually got to them I was in tears. My baby had just had a personal victory, and it was all over her face. It was hard, and dirty and exhausting, and she had done it. I had just witnessed a holy moment.
You see, God drew a parallel for me between our humanness and His Holiness.
Sometimes life is hard, it gets downright dirty. You get stuck. It is easier to quit than to keep going. Your wheels won’t turn and the path isn’t smooth. The day is getting long and your strength is failing.
BUT
There is a Father waiting for you, and a great cloud of witnesses who have gone before cheering your name. ( Hebrews 12:1).
The way may be thick, and you may be getting tired. With dirt on your face, skinned knees and tears, get back on the bike.......................and Pedal!
.
Monday, April 18, 2011
God Cares about Baseball?
Children, my life has been devoted to them. Thousands of kids have darkened my door. Every kind, shape and color. In all this time spent with kids I have come to one conclusion. There are only two kinds of kids.
The first kind of kid needs time, love, encouragement, and support sprinkled with a little fun and discipline. Then there is the other kind of kid. They just need MORE. The ones that will test every bit of patience, every ounce of kindness, the ones who will absolutely exhaust you if you let them.
It seems like every year I get a few “ MORE” kids. They seem to be prevelant lately. I have been told that the only way to deal with these kids is pray for an answer.... or exorcism.
This proposition collides with my current philosophy about my students. I had a revelation years ago about my classroom and my kids. I do not pray about my problems with students. I know it sounds weird, but it just wasn’t working for me. "God, help me not to lose my temper when "Willie Bob" interrupts me for the 65th. time!" I would pray for them (whatever our classroom problems was) and then all day long I would focus on what I prayed for, watching for the answers. This will make you crazy. It made me crazy.
I determined that I would pray for God to show me Him in situations and show ME what to do. If I spent my time focused on Him, then their problems would seem so small.
I try very hard not to waiver from this plan. So, I was really shocked last Thursday night. I was in my bed praying and I kept seeing one of my students flash across my mind. I would ignore it and try to focus, but I just couldn’t. I finally asked God “ What’s up with this kid?”
Now the little side note is... he is one of those “ MORE “ kids. I have expended so much energy on this one child that I actually thought that was why he was now invading my prayer life.
God was pretty straight with me though (usually is). He said “You have been pretty rough on him this week. He has done everything you asked. He needs some special attention tomorrow. A treat, a reward, a kind word from you. He needs some affirmation. He needs to HEAR YOU say good job. He has done his part, now step up and do yours.
Well...ok then. Not one to want to argue with God,
I went to bed determined that I would be obedient the next day.
Friday morning came, and I was on duty in the gym. I saw him walk across the floor. I swallowed hard and told him to come to me. I actually told him EVERYTHING. I explained that while I was praying, he was on my mind. I told him how God told me to talk to him. I told him that he had done well, and I was so proud of him for his efforts. He would get to choose a reward.
I wish you could have seen his face as I talked to him. I thought he was going to cry. He looked at me and said “ I needed to hear that I had done good (his words). Mrs. Millraney, last night was a bad night. You see, my mom was sick. She didn’t make it to my ballgame. I hit my first homerun this year, and there was no one there to cheer for me.
I stood there amazed. Not so much at his situation, but at my God.
The idea that an 11 year old kid, and his broken heart...touched the heart of God. So much in fact that God told his teacher(me) to cut him some slack, and love on him the next day.
Honestly, it sent chills down my spine.
The Creator of the Universe who holds time in His hands. The author of life and death. GOD! ....And all our tears matter to Him. Not earth shattering tears...nobody died. It was just a game, but it was important to him and so it was important to God.
I have always believed that God cares about the little things in our lives. And now I have some proof!
Just think...God even cares about baseball.
.
The first kind of kid needs time, love, encouragement, and support sprinkled with a little fun and discipline. Then there is the other kind of kid. They just need MORE. The ones that will test every bit of patience, every ounce of kindness, the ones who will absolutely exhaust you if you let them.
It seems like every year I get a few “ MORE” kids. They seem to be prevelant lately. I have been told that the only way to deal with these kids is pray for an answer.... or exorcism.
This proposition collides with my current philosophy about my students. I had a revelation years ago about my classroom and my kids. I do not pray about my problems with students. I know it sounds weird, but it just wasn’t working for me. "God, help me not to lose my temper when "Willie Bob" interrupts me for the 65th. time!" I would pray for them (whatever our classroom problems was) and then all day long I would focus on what I prayed for, watching for the answers. This will make you crazy. It made me crazy.
I determined that I would pray for God to show me Him in situations and show ME what to do. If I spent my time focused on Him, then their problems would seem so small.
I try very hard not to waiver from this plan. So, I was really shocked last Thursday night. I was in my bed praying and I kept seeing one of my students flash across my mind. I would ignore it and try to focus, but I just couldn’t. I finally asked God “ What’s up with this kid?”
Now the little side note is... he is one of those “ MORE “ kids. I have expended so much energy on this one child that I actually thought that was why he was now invading my prayer life.
God was pretty straight with me though (usually is). He said “You have been pretty rough on him this week. He has done everything you asked. He needs some special attention tomorrow. A treat, a reward, a kind word from you. He needs some affirmation. He needs to HEAR YOU say good job. He has done his part, now step up and do yours.
Well...ok then. Not one to want to argue with God,
I went to bed determined that I would be obedient the next day.
Friday morning came, and I was on duty in the gym. I saw him walk across the floor. I swallowed hard and told him to come to me. I actually told him EVERYTHING. I explained that while I was praying, he was on my mind. I told him how God told me to talk to him. I told him that he had done well, and I was so proud of him for his efforts. He would get to choose a reward.
I wish you could have seen his face as I talked to him. I thought he was going to cry. He looked at me and said “ I needed to hear that I had done good (his words). Mrs. Millraney, last night was a bad night. You see, my mom was sick. She didn’t make it to my ballgame. I hit my first homerun this year, and there was no one there to cheer for me.
I stood there amazed. Not so much at his situation, but at my God.
The idea that an 11 year old kid, and his broken heart...touched the heart of God. So much in fact that God told his teacher(me) to cut him some slack, and love on him the next day.
Honestly, it sent chills down my spine.
The Creator of the Universe who holds time in His hands. The author of life and death. GOD! ....And all our tears matter to Him. Not earth shattering tears...nobody died. It was just a game, but it was important to him and so it was important to God.
I have always believed that God cares about the little things in our lives. And now I have some proof!
Just think...God even cares about baseball.
.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A Piece of Paper
I was fired from my first teaching job. Seems like a life time ago. Rumors were spread, people didn't know who to trust and I got canned. It was bittersweet. I learned so much about myself and my mission as a teacher that summer. I found the words to a song that became my anthem. I decided last night that no matter what my " paper" said about the fruit basket turn- over and my new assignment in Lee County- I would share this from Carl Cartee
Lost in You
Guilty, for trying to make a name for myself.
Chasing after all this wordly wealth.
Listening closely for applause.
Forgive me, For I confess I have chose the lesser way.
Pawning off these gifts for mortals praise.
Consume me, and burn away the things that cloud my mind.
Bring me to my knees where I can hide.
Let me get closer to You.
Surround me- let a veil of Your greatness cover me.
Hide my in your hands so I will be - fading from view
drifting from this world. So far away.
Lord help me be faithful to this call. Forsaking all
Let me get lost in You. Let all my kingdoms fail.
Let every hope and every dream be wrapped up in Your will.
Lord , You be exalted, and I will step aside,
Let me get lost in You and You be glorified.
Lord- You be exalted- and just give me a place to hide
Let me get lost in You and You be glorified.
Oh and the rest of the story is..... God has an incredble sense of humor. That next year I was hired at a city school where my old principal's daughter attended. I was on a team as her 3rd grade teacher! He came in at the end of the year and told me how much she loved me, how pleased his wife was, and how wrong he was to let me go. Yep--- God's got me - even when it seems like life is dictated by a piece of paper- It is really the Prince of Peace in control.
Lost in You
Guilty, for trying to make a name for myself.
Chasing after all this wordly wealth.
Listening closely for applause.
Forgive me, For I confess I have chose the lesser way.
Pawning off these gifts for mortals praise.
Consume me, and burn away the things that cloud my mind.
Bring me to my knees where I can hide.
Let me get closer to You.
Surround me- let a veil of Your greatness cover me.
Hide my in your hands so I will be - fading from view
drifting from this world. So far away.
Lord help me be faithful to this call. Forsaking all
Let me get lost in You. Let all my kingdoms fail.
Let every hope and every dream be wrapped up in Your will.
Lord , You be exalted, and I will step aside,
Let me get lost in You and You be glorified.
Lord- You be exalted- and just give me a place to hide
Let me get lost in You and You be glorified.
Oh and the rest of the story is..... God has an incredble sense of humor. That next year I was hired at a city school where my old principal's daughter attended. I was on a team as her 3rd grade teacher! He came in at the end of the year and told me how much she loved me, how pleased his wife was, and how wrong he was to let me go. Yep--- God's got me - even when it seems like life is dictated by a piece of paper- It is really the Prince of Peace in control.
I Saw God Today
I heard it playing on the radio as I pulled out of the parking lot. It was the perfect song as I was driving away from morning worship yesterday.
The sermon had something to do with surrender and seeing God in HIS temple. I don’t really remember a lot of details about the sermon ( sorry Ray!) It was the invitation that grasped me.
The invitation time was simple. We were supposed to close our eyes and ask God to show us Who He is.
I followed my instructions. Bowed my head and prayed, and waited.
Half- Expecting to see something supernatural…. HIS train, HIS temple, seraphim, something in my holy imagination to stir my heart.
I felt this nudging in my soul….. You want to see me? You really want to experience who I am? Niki, Open your eyes.
I couldn’t help it. I opened my eyes. I saw all these people at the altar during the invitation. I got the message loud and clear. I AM all around you…. My glory IS HERE.
Now, I have been on the front row of every service for around 18 years . I have a front row seat for watching God move. Sadly- I guess I get used to it.
I stood there amazed that I was privileged to be a spectator to this event.
HE gently pointed out to me:
That is ME—I am healing her hurt. That’s ME. I am their convicting sin. I am restoring homes. I am restoring lives. I am granting salvation. That’s Me. I am changing hearts and lives.
God never ceases to amaze me. I ask, and HE gives, but never in the way I request and always so much more than I deserve.
He answer was so simple: Don’ t ask for ME to show up, because I am here-
Ask ME to show YOU- because I am waiting .
The sermon had something to do with surrender and seeing God in HIS temple. I don’t really remember a lot of details about the sermon ( sorry Ray!) It was the invitation that grasped me.
The invitation time was simple. We were supposed to close our eyes and ask God to show us Who He is.
I followed my instructions. Bowed my head and prayed, and waited.
Half- Expecting to see something supernatural…. HIS train, HIS temple, seraphim, something in my holy imagination to stir my heart.
I felt this nudging in my soul….. You want to see me? You really want to experience who I am? Niki, Open your eyes.
I couldn’t help it. I opened my eyes. I saw all these people at the altar during the invitation. I got the message loud and clear. I AM all around you…. My glory IS HERE.
Now, I have been on the front row of every service for around 18 years . I have a front row seat for watching God move. Sadly- I guess I get used to it.
I stood there amazed that I was privileged to be a spectator to this event.
HE gently pointed out to me:
That is ME—I am healing her hurt. That’s ME. I am their convicting sin. I am restoring homes. I am restoring lives. I am granting salvation. That’s Me. I am changing hearts and lives.
God never ceases to amaze me. I ask, and HE gives, but never in the way I request and always so much more than I deserve.
He answer was so simple: Don’ t ask for ME to show up, because I am here-
Ask ME to show YOU- because I am waiting .
2011 in just one word
Our family gatherings are usually fun and always loud. Full of lively discussion and even a little debate. This year, at our family meal, my sister posed a question. One that tormented me all night long. She encouraged us to go around the table and tell our goals and dreams for 2011. To try to sum up our year vision with just one word. The room filled with words like wisdom, fun, rest, nest, discipline, etc .
I just couldn’t come up with one.
I have thought about where I am and where I want to be often this close of the year. What needs to change and what needs to stay the same to move me toward where I want to be. But to condense it down to one word….
For someone who doesn't usually have trouble with words.... I was struggling.
At first I picked Mosaic, because I had a collage of things on which I wanted to focus, then decided that wasn’t part of the rule. I chose other words all night long and I couldn’t settle.
In the middle of the pandemonium…. the magic began to fade. Late night + lots of sugar and caffeine, too much together was beginning to cause our precious angels to grow horns as only New Year’s Eve can. Amidst the chaos and Lindz throwing up (because eight cookies should never be eaten as a snack)…. I was given my word.
Around 11:00 I saw something that truly stopped me. Not a holy moment, but one that made me completely wonder. Marveling at the moment I was witnessing. In the middle of the confusion, kids fighting, a Wii blaring, puppy running around… I saw them in the corner.
My mom and my daughter, 11:00 at night, sitting on the couch just talking. They were so caught up in each other, that for the moment all the other was insignificant.
You see, I was reminded that life is a series of moments. Some good, some not so good. Moments of awe and moments of absolute despair or frustration. All moments though. Moments we can’t get back. I saw in that moment just how fragile life is.
I re- played the past, the multitude of close calls our family has experienced, the miracles we have witnessed … And I wondered- How many more holidays will we have complete? A whole unit. No one missing, all happy, healthy and together.
I made a decision. This year I will practice savoring the moment- whatever it will be. Not fretting over the future or regretting past mistakes. The comedy, the reality, the drama, the tender, all the moments that will make 2011. Knowing that life is precious and time is a gift....... I am going to purposefully try to shelter that gift. To recognize it for what it is. A piece of my story I will never get back.
In that moment I finally found my word. CHERISH
I just couldn’t come up with one.
I have thought about where I am and where I want to be often this close of the year. What needs to change and what needs to stay the same to move me toward where I want to be. But to condense it down to one word….
For someone who doesn't usually have trouble with words.... I was struggling.
At first I picked Mosaic, because I had a collage of things on which I wanted to focus, then decided that wasn’t part of the rule. I chose other words all night long and I couldn’t settle.
In the middle of the pandemonium…. the magic began to fade. Late night + lots of sugar and caffeine, too much together was beginning to cause our precious angels to grow horns as only New Year’s Eve can. Amidst the chaos and Lindz throwing up (because eight cookies should never be eaten as a snack)…. I was given my word.
Around 11:00 I saw something that truly stopped me. Not a holy moment, but one that made me completely wonder. Marveling at the moment I was witnessing. In the middle of the confusion, kids fighting, a Wii blaring, puppy running around… I saw them in the corner.
My mom and my daughter, 11:00 at night, sitting on the couch just talking. They were so caught up in each other, that for the moment all the other was insignificant.
You see, I was reminded that life is a series of moments. Some good, some not so good. Moments of awe and moments of absolute despair or frustration. All moments though. Moments we can’t get back. I saw in that moment just how fragile life is.
I re- played the past, the multitude of close calls our family has experienced, the miracles we have witnessed … And I wondered- How many more holidays will we have complete? A whole unit. No one missing, all happy, healthy and together.
I made a decision. This year I will practice savoring the moment- whatever it will be. Not fretting over the future or regretting past mistakes. The comedy, the reality, the drama, the tender, all the moments that will make 2011. Knowing that life is precious and time is a gift....... I am going to purposefully try to shelter that gift. To recognize it for what it is. A piece of my story I will never get back.
In that moment I finally found my word. CHERISH
Christmas at Wal- Mart
You know, every year I am determined not to let Christmas be commercial. To keep the fun and the meaning intact. To protect the magic of childhood and the miracle of His birth. A noble venture…. at which I usually fail.
Today is Christmas Eve and I was where everyone else in the world was….. Wal-mart. Doing what mothers do --- just picking up a few more things. To make it the BEST EVER. I had been around the store twice and I was beginning to lose that holiday magic.
I saw her. Wanting to avoid her because my to do list was long and she is by nature, well--- not a short visit, if you know what I mean. I stopped to exchange pleasantries. Embarrassedly, I only half listened to what she said. As we wrapped up our conversation, she looked at me and said “ May you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year”. I smiled and said, "Not sure it could get any better" and walked off. I was being flippant, and then my own words began to ring in my ears.
I looked in my buggy. Tears began to pour down my face. My attempt to improve on what is already more than enough. Right there in the candy isle- Jesus showed Himself to me. To remind me of the reason for it all. To stop and once more get my attention about things that are eternal.
Blessed, I am so unbelievably blessed. I need for nothing, I want for nothing. and I have HIM. The best blessing the world has ever been given.
My pitiful attempt of making good…. better was embarrassing. My ephiphany- caused me to change right there in the candy isle at Wal- mart. I dried my tears and put all my extra stuff back.
Christmas had already come to me….. right in the middle of Wal- mart
Today is Christmas Eve and I was where everyone else in the world was….. Wal-mart. Doing what mothers do --- just picking up a few more things. To make it the BEST EVER. I had been around the store twice and I was beginning to lose that holiday magic.
I saw her. Wanting to avoid her because my to do list was long and she is by nature, well--- not a short visit, if you know what I mean. I stopped to exchange pleasantries. Embarrassedly, I only half listened to what she said. As we wrapped up our conversation, she looked at me and said “ May you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year”. I smiled and said, "Not sure it could get any better" and walked off. I was being flippant, and then my own words began to ring in my ears.
I looked in my buggy. Tears began to pour down my face. My attempt to improve on what is already more than enough. Right there in the candy isle- Jesus showed Himself to me. To remind me of the reason for it all. To stop and once more get my attention about things that are eternal.
Blessed, I am so unbelievably blessed. I need for nothing, I want for nothing. and I have HIM. The best blessing the world has ever been given.
My pitiful attempt of making good…. better was embarrassing. My ephiphany- caused me to change right there in the candy isle at Wal- mart. I dried my tears and put all my extra stuff back.
Christmas had already come to me….. right in the middle of Wal- mart
One Room.... THBC Homecoming
It didn’t hit me until I sat down. Then, it consumed me. The simplicity of it all… in this one room. I sat there, taking it all in, with just a single tear rolling down my cheek.
One room. My life, my decisions, my foundation.. .all in this one room.
The Sanctuary at THBC.
You see, over there to my right, I walked the isle and made my profession of faith at 8. To my left is the isle I walked down as a bride to my prince 15 years ago. Up there, way up there in the top- I was one of the “balcony rats”. Bottom floor- 5 rows from the back- middle section, left side- my parents (every service) for over 20 years could be found.
You know, I saw my husband in this room for the first time. He surrendered to the ministry-….right over there.
I was baptized in that baptistery. Sang in that choir loft. Performed on that stage. Gave my testimony in that pulpit. All in this one room.
21 years of memories- now ,I know I should have been listening to the preacher (and Bro Doug, I did hear most of it) , but my mind kept wandering.
Am I 35, am I 15 OR 5? It is kind of hard to tell in this … a timeless moment.
History, Everybody has one- Everybody needs one. It is important to remember from which you came. I haven’t been in this room in over 10 years physically- but I come here often…. In my thoughts .
You know, the voice of God still echoes in my head and heart as only Bro. Doug can.
I think of the countless hours spent listening to someone share the Words of God with me and know that who I am today….. was built then. It is humbling to know, had they not taken the time, my life would be vastly different.
So I sat there today, looking around at the past and how it has fused into the present . It makes me nostalgic and just a little sad.
How can you be homesick for a place you know you can never have again? Those days are wonderful memories, remnants of another era. The record of my beginnings, but nevertheless, a page that has already been turned.
I am so thankful for my years at Tusculum. THBC is forever in my heart. My years there were precious. A lifetime of memories to share- and while I know I can’t re-live those days, it is comforting to know…
On occasions- very special occasions like this-- Who says you can’t go home?
NM2010
One room. My life, my decisions, my foundation.. .all in this one room.
The Sanctuary at THBC.
You see, over there to my right, I walked the isle and made my profession of faith at 8. To my left is the isle I walked down as a bride to my prince 15 years ago. Up there, way up there in the top- I was one of the “balcony rats”. Bottom floor- 5 rows from the back- middle section, left side- my parents (every service) for over 20 years could be found.
You know, I saw my husband in this room for the first time. He surrendered to the ministry-….right over there.
I was baptized in that baptistery. Sang in that choir loft. Performed on that stage. Gave my testimony in that pulpit. All in this one room.
21 years of memories- now ,I know I should have been listening to the preacher (and Bro Doug, I did hear most of it) , but my mind kept wandering.
Am I 35, am I 15 OR 5? It is kind of hard to tell in this … a timeless moment.
History, Everybody has one- Everybody needs one. It is important to remember from which you came. I haven’t been in this room in over 10 years physically- but I come here often…. In my thoughts .
You know, the voice of God still echoes in my head and heart as only Bro. Doug can.
I think of the countless hours spent listening to someone share the Words of God with me and know that who I am today….. was built then. It is humbling to know, had they not taken the time, my life would be vastly different.
So I sat there today, looking around at the past and how it has fused into the present . It makes me nostalgic and just a little sad.
How can you be homesick for a place you know you can never have again? Those days are wonderful memories, remnants of another era. The record of my beginnings, but nevertheless, a page that has already been turned.
I am so thankful for my years at Tusculum. THBC is forever in my heart. My years there were precious. A lifetime of memories to share- and while I know I can’t re-live those days, it is comforting to know…
On occasions- very special occasions like this-- Who says you can’t go home?
NM2010
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